Wishing...

You tell me that you've failed me.
That I deserve somone better.
That it hurts for you to be alone in the empty house

The house isn't empty at all. She' s in it.
A little part of me dies, being in that house and watching you check the phone every now and then, to see if she's messaged you or called you out for lunch or dinner.
A little part of me dies, watching you talk to her onthe phone until the wee hours of the morning, when before this, you had to sleep before 12 every night.
A big part of me dies, seeing her staying in the house we shared our memories in.
More of me dies, a lulling ache in my heart stabs through me, seeing her come with you in the morning to the hospital, and her looking away when she sees me, pretending to be forlorn and the victim of this situation...When I'm the one who has sleepless nights, even in the hostel, wondering where she is and who she's with.

I wish sometimes...
That I was more dependant... That maybe, if I didn't have a car, I would be more dependant on you...
Isn't that what guys want? A girl who hangs on to them, depending on them for emotional needs, transport and a girl who will 'teh' them and boost their ego.

But you were happy initially that I wasn't that kind of girl. I was instead, someone who could exchange insults with you, calling you a gorilla, and you calling me a midget. Hardy har har...
That's how we were special. A couple that started off as friends, trading the friendly insults that was initially affectionate, and later on deemed intolerable.

I wished I could be stronger, more interesting and more cultured. Someone that has more to think of, other than studies and relationships, someone stronger with more to rely on than alcohol and being a pathetic creature that dwells in self-pity and loathe.