Thank God for the business of my days, and friends who fill it up with ideas and plans. Without J, J and S, I would be stuck in that valley of despair for a much longer time.
Truly, being single has reminded me of the joys of not having another half to think about all the time. Now that I am free to oblige to so many others, I shall do so. Why stick around to make only one person happy, when you can divide yourself to do so with others? Why leave this place, knowing with uncertainty, that all that time has been spent with someone who can't guarantee me security (Let's take things one day at a time was a tagline), when I can leave this place knowing I have spent time laughing and going through the ups and downs of uni life, the joys and the pains, with so many others?
So I say, adios to relationships and all their burdens, and Welcome to singledom and freedom.
An ex of mine said I don't know how to think for two yet- that may be true, so I just might need to find someone like me, so we can think for our ownselves independantly, but knowing, at the end of the day- That we belong to each other. Trust and commitment without all the hoo-ha and constant maintainence, like some puppy that needs toilet training.
Thank you for the pain you've put me through, to know that enough is enough.
Monday, January 19, 2009
Monday, January 12, 2009
Taken for Granted.
You bring her out everywhere, to the movies, to romantic places.
What was I to you then, all these 2 years?
We only went to the movies like, 4 times. Making it a 6 monthly thing.
And going to Pak Putra, is really really far for you?
I hope you take a fucking long walk of a short pier, and let that pier be Jetty.
Really, what was I to you, all these years? A piece of earwax?
You say you've been taken for granted?
I beg to differ.
What was I to you then, all these 2 years?
We only went to the movies like, 4 times. Making it a 6 monthly thing.
And going to Pak Putra, is really really far for you?
I hope you take a fucking long walk of a short pier, and let that pier be Jetty.
Really, what was I to you, all these years? A piece of earwax?
You say you've been taken for granted?
I beg to differ.
Distance and Disgust
There is more distance between us now, which is good. Won't have to see your acromegalic face with your prognathic facies in the wards, at least. Out of the 4 weeks in wards, I have yet to clerk a proper case. But at least now, I'll have more peace of mind.
The weekends in KL have been therapeutic for me, because being with friends back home remind me that there's so much more to life than relationships, more to life than medicine.
Friendly banter between one another, camwhoring, makan-ing and plain reminiscence, brings me back to childhood days when life was so much simpler. When we didn't have to think of what to wear,( because it was between that pinafore and that baju kurung ) or whether our shoes matched them (because it was either white or muddy pallas shoes that could be fixed in seconds with kiwi white). Not to mention, our only concern was what to have for lunch and that game of 'baling kasut' we would have as kids.
Of course, nostalgia is not all that binds us together. We talk about common interests, the future... what shaped us and what we would like to be shaped into.
Back to my topic...
There is noting but disgust filled in my heart for you. It's been too tiring to be angry, but your actions just make me feel plain disgusted. The fact that you don't care at all about my feelings, or what others would think about you, just shows how selfish and shameless you are.
How dare you make me feel like it was all my fault when it's so clear that you only did it to make me feel shitty and as small as an amoeba on the toilet bowl?
How dare you play the friends card to make me feel so lousy about myself, something you've been doing even before we got together? Remember when you used to say how others were angry at me or whatsoever? And make up so many stories to back them up, when I clarified it with others, and they're now true at all.
How dare you say that I have so many friends now, and that I should stop talking to them about you and silislut? And that your family was the one backing you up and giving you all the support, and then tell X that your parents are furious with you now? So which one is it, jackass? Make up your mind. It can't be that hard, considering how much there is.
Mr-Inferiority-Complex...
Tell me why then, back there, I had to burn bridges and fall out with our fellow housemades bacause they made a pact against YOU?
Why did I have to burn my 8 month deposit to move out and away from all the calamities that ensued soon after?
Why they had no reason to be angry about you, when as a matter of fact, all you do is bitch about them. You came down EVERY NIGHT to complain about white boy, who I continuously backed up, until you became offended. Well, that's why you shouldn't bich about your best friend.
Well, you and her suit each other just fine. She bitches about her best friend, and so do you.
Tell me why, I have the same circle of friends from first year, but you don't keep yours? You're friend hopping every now and then, and the only two by your side now are ungrateful imbeciles who sat in my beat up car whilst you drove them around.
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Pardon me for the look of disgust on my face, but it's something that can't be helped. It's a reflex for someone like you.
The weekends in KL have been therapeutic for me, because being with friends back home remind me that there's so much more to life than relationships, more to life than medicine.
Friendly banter between one another, camwhoring, makan-ing and plain reminiscence, brings me back to childhood days when life was so much simpler. When we didn't have to think of what to wear,( because it was between that pinafore and that baju kurung ) or whether our shoes matched them (because it was either white or muddy pallas shoes that could be fixed in seconds with kiwi white). Not to mention, our only concern was what to have for lunch and that game of 'baling kasut' we would have as kids.
Of course, nostalgia is not all that binds us together. We talk about common interests, the future... what shaped us and what we would like to be shaped into.
Back to my topic...
There is noting but disgust filled in my heart for you. It's been too tiring to be angry, but your actions just make me feel plain disgusted. The fact that you don't care at all about my feelings, or what others would think about you, just shows how selfish and shameless you are.
How dare you make me feel like it was all my fault when it's so clear that you only did it to make me feel shitty and as small as an amoeba on the toilet bowl?
How dare you play the friends card to make me feel so lousy about myself, something you've been doing even before we got together? Remember when you used to say how others were angry at me or whatsoever? And make up so many stories to back them up, when I clarified it with others, and they're now true at all.
How dare you say that I have so many friends now, and that I should stop talking to them about you and silislut? And that your family was the one backing you up and giving you all the support, and then tell X that your parents are furious with you now? So which one is it, jackass? Make up your mind. It can't be that hard, considering how much there is.
Mr-Inferiority-Complex...
Tell me why then, back there, I had to burn bridges and fall out with our fellow housemades bacause they made a pact against YOU?
Why did I have to burn my 8 month deposit to move out and away from all the calamities that ensued soon after?
Why they had no reason to be angry about you, when as a matter of fact, all you do is bitch about them. You came down EVERY NIGHT to complain about white boy, who I continuously backed up, until you became offended. Well, that's why you shouldn't bich about your best friend.
Well, you and her suit each other just fine. She bitches about her best friend, and so do you.
Tell me why, I have the same circle of friends from first year, but you don't keep yours? You're friend hopping every now and then, and the only two by your side now are ungrateful imbeciles who sat in my beat up car whilst you drove them around.
Good riddance to bad rubbish. Pardon me for the look of disgust on my face, but it's something that can't be helped. It's a reflex for someone like you.
Friday, January 2, 2009
Vacation.
Here in Pangkor now(Lumut, actually), and it's been a fun day so far.
Played scrabble and of course I'm not as good as someone, who's memorized all the two letter words..
But thanks to my family and friends, I can forget a little more.
The more I think of you, the more I think we're not meant for each other.
The sparks were there initially, but then life became mundane, with us going through the same routine, talking about the same old things.
Me listening to you belittle so many others, and wondering occasionally why you were so full of spite and hate. Perhaps I'm also like you, which is why we're not meant for each other- Too much harping and complaining- We didn't build each other up, we merely cast negative energy on each other, making us tired and withdrawn.
Perhaps distance would have made the heart grow fonder, but I never felt any love but mere frustration in the past two years. There were no dates - I practically had to beg to be taken to the movies- Felt kinda bored and taken for granted. Sigh. But then again, you did make those delicious sandwiches for me. Guess I just wanted you around too much, a sign of dependance.
Sometimes, however, I wonder... Do I love you, or just the things you do for me?
Two different entities altogether, but similiar and so very misleading.
This is something I have yet to figure out.
Played scrabble and of course I'm not as good as someone, who's memorized all the two letter words..
But thanks to my family and friends, I can forget a little more.
The more I think of you, the more I think we're not meant for each other.
The sparks were there initially, but then life became mundane, with us going through the same routine, talking about the same old things.
Me listening to you belittle so many others, and wondering occasionally why you were so full of spite and hate. Perhaps I'm also like you, which is why we're not meant for each other- Too much harping and complaining- We didn't build each other up, we merely cast negative energy on each other, making us tired and withdrawn.
Perhaps distance would have made the heart grow fonder, but I never felt any love but mere frustration in the past two years. There were no dates - I practically had to beg to be taken to the movies- Felt kinda bored and taken for granted. Sigh. But then again, you did make those delicious sandwiches for me. Guess I just wanted you around too much, a sign of dependance.
Sometimes, however, I wonder... Do I love you, or just the things you do for me?
Two different entities altogether, but similiar and so very misleading.
This is something I have yet to figure out.
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